balance...resolutions...the new year

Well I would love to say that I will certainly be blogging more in 2008 then I did in 2007...but let's be honest...who knows what will happen...I am a maniac about creating action lists and plans, and then I kill the joy out of my dedication to follow through no matter if I like it or not...that seems to wreck most of my hobbies...they all become sports...so basically if I decide that I will have a plan to blog, it will be no fun anymore...

Here is a case in point...I have really been struggling with anxiety over the last 3-4 weeks...I recently have narrowed my focus of passion to 3 things: Tim (and obviously the dogs), my work, and my running. I went through a period in 2007 where I felt such chaos, so I knew i needed to simplify, so I did...I narrowed down everything to those 3 buckets...well now, since i am psycho competitive, I basically judge every day on this man-made barometer on how i am doing at all 3...

Well running is pretty simple to judge...either I went running or not, either I ran a certain pace or distance or not...it is very tangible...

The other 2 are a lot more subjective...With tim, I judge myself on some of the following...like did I pay enough attention to Tim today? did i make him feel valued? Did i allow him to love me?

On work...did I work long enough? did I get affirmed enough? was I kind today and a good teammate? was I a good listener?

I honestly judge myself on so many levels all day long, that I have a hard time relaxing. So even though I feel like I have turned the corner to be smart with my time and choices, and to focus on a few important things, I almost do not even give myself a chance to succeed because I over-analyze everything, and hold myself up to a standard that I would never put on anyone else. So it can become very self-damaging...

So tonight I wanted to share what I am going through...I have learned a lot lately about being vulnerable, and how important it is, especially in leadership...and that's it.

I hope to be blogging more often...so we will see :)

Leigh