to train or not to train...that is the question...

So I am in process of training for the Breast Cancer 1/2 marathon and am contemplating what to do next...triathlon season is coming on, and I tend to be over-ambitous in the beginning...or do I want to run a full marathon?

There are issues to overcome with either choice...the marathon: 18-20 mile training runs that wipe out the entire weekend...

the triathlon: trying to find time to train for 3 sports...

I am really addicted to competition, so it is hard to find a substitute for this...but there are days that training can be a drag...so we will see what the summer holds...

but I am excited. I seem to have this "every other week" excitement about working out...this is a good week!!

is it mean to laugh @ American Idol contestants?

I am embarrassed and feel guilty about how hard I am laughing at these contestants...I am sorry, it is so funny...sad...embarrassing...hilarious.....it is incredible.

I mean, have you ever been at a theme park and you ntice someone who is dressed so bad...n a way that you feel embarrassed for them? And they are there with a large group of people? Well my roommate from college (Kelly) used to look at people like that out in public and say "they must not have any good friends" -- meaning that if they had some good friends, they would tell them how ridiculous they looked and save them from embarrassment.

Do some of these contestants have anyone in their life who is honest with them?? I am not talking about the crazy's who are just trying to get on TV...I am talking about the ones who TRULY believe that they are meant to be a singer...wow.

I had a pretty rough day today, so this is a great way to blow off some steam and laugh it off...I do feel guilty that I am laughing at people...oh well.

Hope you are well...

balance...resolutions...the new year

Well I would love to say that I will certainly be blogging more in 2008 then I did in 2007...but let's be honest...who knows what will happen...I am a maniac about creating action lists and plans, and then I kill the joy out of my dedication to follow through no matter if I like it or not...that seems to wreck most of my hobbies...they all become sports...so basically if I decide that I will have a plan to blog, it will be no fun anymore...

Here is a case in point...I have really been struggling with anxiety over the last 3-4 weeks...I recently have narrowed my focus of passion to 3 things: Tim (and obviously the dogs), my work, and my running. I went through a period in 2007 where I felt such chaos, so I knew i needed to simplify, so I did...I narrowed down everything to those 3 buckets...well now, since i am psycho competitive, I basically judge every day on this man-made barometer on how i am doing at all 3...

Well running is pretty simple to judge...either I went running or not, either I ran a certain pace or distance or not...it is very tangible...

The other 2 are a lot more subjective...With tim, I judge myself on some of the following...like did I pay enough attention to Tim today? did i make him feel valued? Did i allow him to love me?

On work...did I work long enough? did I get affirmed enough? was I kind today and a good teammate? was I a good listener?

I honestly judge myself on so many levels all day long, that I have a hard time relaxing. So even though I feel like I have turned the corner to be smart with my time and choices, and to focus on a few important things, I almost do not even give myself a chance to succeed because I over-analyze everything, and hold myself up to a standard that I would never put on anyone else. So it can become very self-damaging...

So tonight I wanted to share what I am going through...I have learned a lot lately about being vulnerable, and how important it is, especially in leadership...and that's it.

I hope to be blogging more often...so we will see :)

Leigh