still learning...

I am still learning. surprise surprise, I just don't know it all yet. you see, that is a tough lesson since I come from a family that prides themselves on always "knowing"...always being right, winning arguments, saying the last word, and basically being on top. I love my family; and much of my success is due to those characteristics that have been bred into me...the desire to win, compete, do my best, strive to be great...but I am still learning.

This summer can be summed up in that sentiment; learning. I am in the process of learning some of lifes great lessons, and boy is it a struggle for me to be in this process. I definitely am not an "enjoy the journey" type of gal...I like the completion, the final note, the end. So being in the midst of learning lessons, and then having to make choices while in that season, and having those choices affect what you are doing...gosh, my head is spinning.

And the struggle!!! I was running tonight and I was just angry because I feel like I have handled some things poorly and wish that I had communicated some things clearer. But how would I know how to do that until I learned it? I have to go through these things so next time I might get it right...I might be better next time, and know how to handle it with the wisdom I gained in this season. But I just want to know it now and get it right the 1st time!!!! AHHHHH. frustration sets in.

I sometimes wish I could learn as fast as I could eat. This is silly, but wouldn't it be cool if all the lessons I was supposed to learn could come in an ice cream cone, and I could just eat it and have all the knowledge (maybe the calories can be different based on the size of the issues I needed to learn about :) )...

Well all this reminded me of a Switchfoot song...Learning to Breathe...

Hello, good morning, how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

What complicates things even more is this unfair expectation I place on myself to get it right the 1st time, with no practice...that's when I feel like "my head gets kicked in"...

So here's to life, and all the lessons we are learning...

Leigh